I Just Helped Myself

My life has been feeling a little bit lost lately. Yes, I have an awesome, loving husband and two kick-butt boys, but don't you ever feel like something is just...off? I have been distant from my blog because I have been feeling this way. I didn't realize that I had been feeling off until yesterday, which just happened to by my Mom's birthday.

I was actually thankful to have a blog. That may sound odd and I never thought I would think that, but I wasn't really able to let go and get out all the sadness until I re-read some previous posts. I did tell myself that my blog would also play a role as a journal. A way to get what is in my mind out and maybe help others, and I guess me also. The posts I re-read really put me back to reality. I read them and honestly didn't remember the things I had wrote. Me reading them basically helped myself.

Being sad on certain "anniversaries" is going to be something that will be constant in my life and it is something that I am going to have to deal with forever. Although, the way I deal with it is the key to it all.

My goal is to rethink my thinking. Quit being so...lost. Find a path. Stick to it. Enjoy the mundane. Stop expecting too much from others and just expect more for myself. Just have a good cry and let it all out and start fresh the next day! These may seem so simple. But isn't it the simple things that just seem so damn hard to do??

There has been a lot of disconnection in my life lately. There could be a lot of thoughts brewing in my head how to get back at people or thoughts that would be cutting myself down just to try to make myself a marter. But what and who does that help? Definitely not me. What I read in a previous post really resonated with me,

"Outside circumstances should not define your life."

A simple quote, simply stated. Can it be simply followed? I guess we will see.

Life has it's ups and downs (that could possibly be something I have heard for as long as I can remember). How you deal with those ups and downs is key. I believe honesty, self-realization, and learning are all part of dealing with the ups and downs. The question is, can I push all the negative thoughts out and let what I have to do to stay positive and on the right track come first?

 This, I guess you could say will be my new year, new me mind track. I will focus on staying on this so I do not get lost in the sadness that we sometimes call life.

I will always miss my Mom and I will always wish she were here. Her spirit really does live on in all of the people that knew her, loved her and appreciated her for who she was.
I hope to be a person that will be appreciated for who I am.
Isn't that what we all want anyways?
Love and Miss you Crazy Mary.

Want to also re-read the posts that brought me back to reality?


-Everything isn't always cupcakes and unicorns
-Birthdays from the grave
-How to lead a happy life