New Year, New Me??

I'm back! I needed a little hiatus. I felt as thought I was becoming Internet obsessed! It was actually kinda nice because I went into my hermit mode for a bit. A mode I have mentioned before. One that I just focus on my family and really, nothing else. That is not bad at all, but I tend to not want to go anywhere, talk to anyone or really do anything. Maybe it's just the ups and downs of being a woman, or maybe it is just part of what I need to go thru to feel normal again.

I have found that I feel as though the thought of the new year bringing new and joyous things is all in my head. We have been conditioned to believe that a new year will wipe the slate clean and everything we have done or has happened to us in the past year will magically disappear. I feel a bit cheated by these thoughts because it isn't really true. Well, it's half true. I say that meaning I still have a positive outlook that things will magically be different, yet half know this isn't true. I guess that is what they call hope. The hope that things will get better or be different. Yet, you can't just hope things get better and expect them to get better. You need to put some push in that tush-get your butt in gear. Nothing will just come to you magically and be different. If you want something to be different you need to start making things different.

I have begun to take more deep breathes. Especially when I am angry or upset. Also, when I just want to hold back the tears because holding back those tears isn't doing me any good. I take a deep breathe and it makes me feel a lot better. I was watching a video chat at momtv.com with Jamie Roth from Intuitive Encounters and she showed how to do a true deep breathe. Both your chest and your stomach should rise at the same time while taking as deep a breathe as you can thru your nose. Do as many times as needed. It not only relaxes you but gets oxygen to every part of your body, especially your brain. This is a small start to a more relaxed me.

The new year also brought my mom's birthday. I felt as though I did a really good job on her birthday. Although I didn't want to talk to anyone and my husband and kids were so great to me that day. I literally tried to bake my blues away. I made tons of banana bread and muffins and bread. I was exhausted by the end of the day, but I didn't cry and held myself together and felt like I did good. Then came the next day. I was grouchy, tired, had a migraine and just wanted to eat all of those baked goods all day! I never realized how pushing thoughts and feelings you are supposed to have can really effect everything about you. From that I learned that you cannot push true feelings aside. No matter how sucky they are. They are meant to be felt. You know that gut feeling you get or that voice in your head that you hear when you just know something isn't right? Don't ignore this. It is your true self talking to you. I did and look where it got me.

Sometimes I feel like I am at a constant struggle to be my true self. But how can you be your true self when you are constantly evolving? Why not be open to being a new person tomorrow or comfortable with the person you are today? Self love is something I have always been a strong advocate for, but lately I have been approached by female conversations that are so relatable to not feeling capable of self love. It made me question myself and how happy us ladies are. We are being pulled left and right by family, work, friends, chores-when is there time for us? I was watching Oprah and Goldie Hawn was on. They were talking about happiness. They pointed out that if you have 10 minutes of alone and quiet time you can significantly improve your happiness level. I am for real going to do this! I do not have a time when there isn't some other noise going on besides maybe being in the shower, but it doesn't count because there is always someone barging in needing something! This may be a big start toward self love for woman everywhere. It will give you time to think about who you can truly be. Even if it is 10 minutes a day to just sit and think. That may be just what we all need.

I still have the spark of new beginnings in the back of my mind but I am still clouded by the past year. I will see thru that fog soon. And I will be doing the above to make my way thru it.

Food For Thought