Birthdays From The Grave

January 9th. This Sunday. My mom would have been 54.


What do you do on the first birthday of someone who has passed? Throw a mini party? Look for a card you will never send? Cry?

I am not sure since this is the first time I have ever experienced it.


Things have been going good on the aspect of my Mom lately. Too good, at least that is how I feel. After awhile, things just kinda seem normal without her now. That sounds terrible, but I am just trying to be real. How can I dwell on the time without her, when I really did have a lot of time with her?
Don't get me wrong, I miss her A LOT. But after awhile, I realize, I am alive. I have living to do.
There will always be a lingering of my Mom everywhere in my life, but what good does it do me to be sad about it all the time?

Now, it does seem like I am so casually saying these comments like I am over the whole my Mom passing away thing. It is not like that. I am not like this all time. Shoot, not even the majority of the time! These words and phrases are something I feel I should to be telling myself.
There is always something in my life to remind me of her. But I feel like, why be sad about those things? Why not take that memory, scent, picture-whatever it may be-and store it in your memory, or better yet, a journal? That way you will always have something to turn to when you are down and miss her.


My beliefs are being tested from this past year until now. I know my opinions on life and death may offend some people, but I do not apologize for what I believe. Nor should anyone else, but I also do not look down on others for their beliefs, nor should anyone else. 
For a long time I have not believed there was a heaven or there was a hell. My belief in God has not been in my mind for a long time. I am not trying to push buttons by saying this, this is honestly something that I have just felt to my core being for a long time.


Seeing someone pass is nothing like I thought it would be. I thought it would be like a movie. Deep dramatic breathes, tearful goodbyes-but it was nothing like that. Simply, just the stopping of breathe. No sad music, no angels appearing, just silence.


Most believe she is an angel in heaven. Which I do tell my kids. I tell them this because as a kid, when someone passed away and my mom told me they were in heaven, it made me feel a lot better. Whether I believed it at the time or not. The kids and I even send balloons up to Oma on special occasions so she knows what is happening down here (or so my kids say). That is a comfort thing for them.
But I also tell my kids that everyone has a soul. And that the soul is who you are. That soul is an energy and energy never dies. Which, to me, is also spirit. A spirit can manifest itself into whatever it's next life is to be. Part of me believes in this, part of me doesn't. But right now I find comfort in this for some reason. When they get older, I will get into the deeper stuff. At 6 and 3, this is all they can handle right now.

I also believe your body is not made up to live forever. That is just life. Accidents happen, disease happens, cancer happens. This is the body you live in and once your heart is not beating to sustain it's life, then you are gone. That is why viewings at funeral's are a little creepy to me. That is a just a body. Not that actual "person" you are missing. But I do understand, for some, a viewing is seeing the person for the last time and remembering their time with them. 

Some may say your energy, or spirit, moves onto heaven. My previous thought of your spirit moving into another being or life force can probably be seen as the same thing. But as I said, I really only half believe that.


I have a mish mosh of things swirling in my head! (Confusing? I know!) I still can't say that I have a concrete belief in what happens to you after you pass. Or if anything even does happen. But does anyone really? I think what someone believes has to do a lot with personal comfort. The comfort in believing that we have some place after earth is helpful to people in times of sadness and stress.

We all will pass (which has been more of an in-your-face-reality to me this past year). Maybe it is helpful to just have the comfort in knowing something will happen to you. But it is actually more comforting to me, to know that I do not have to be a saint, or if I am considered a sinner the only one to be able to judge me, is me.

When I pass, maybe my soul will just become love and whenever you think of me and feel that love, you know I am there. That is what my Mom has become. That feeling of Love. Because in the end you are who are and the mark you have left on other's will be the most lasting memory after you are gone.

There is no real ending to these thoughts. Maybe I am just having them and being tested because I do need to do some research as to what I believe. I just know what feels comfortable to me and what doesn't. I am not ashamed of my beliefs and I am not saying I am right or wrong. They feel right to me and that is all that matters. Because in the end all there is, is me and my thoughts.

Yet, I will probably still get a Happy Birthday balloon to send up to Oma. Just so my kids will always have something to remember her birthday by.

Warm Thoughts On A Cold Day

*sigh* I must be used to living in the Midwest for too long. It doesn't surprise me that we had a 70 degree day one week and then rain/sleet/snow and 30 degrees day  the next week. Goodbye fall, it was a short visit! Hello winter!

Today was a busy, but good day.

I have a small Green tea addiction. I need at least two cups to get me started for the day!

*P.S. Loved my comfy, cozy knit wrap too!

My youngest son and I went to the library yesterday and I got a book recommendation from

The Organic Sister's Store. It is called Unconditional Parenting. I am not sure I see eye to eye with everything in this book, but I am going to give it a read and I will let you know what I think.

Something fun that I made for my kids and a couple of my friend's kids, is a 

Bored Box 

A Bored Box is for those days where you kids are just whining "I am sooo bored!" And you have done everything in your ability to keep them occupied and can't think of anything more. Or even for a day where you want to do something fun, but aren't sure what to do. You just grab that bored box, have your child pick out a slip of paper and do what it says. If you are not able to do what it says that day, stick it to the fridge and save it for a day that you can! Here are the simple steps into making a bored box:

First you make a list of some fun activities you want to do. Here are the ones I included:

I then bought inexpensive Chipwood Boxes from Michael's and painted them fun colors and designs.

I then printed up the activities and cut them into strips according to activity. (I folded some of the larger ones so they would fit into the box)

I put them into the box I painted and *VOILA*! Your child's boredom is cured!

You could really use any sort of box or bag to hold your activities. Use your imagination! That's the best part!

Leave me a comment or pictures if you make this activity for your family!

Last night after the boy's and I went on a date night to Schoops burger restaraunt, all the schools in my oldest sons school district were invited to a family night at the high school.

The flyer sent home explained the event as:

"A unique approach, bringing messages to children at their own level. A mission to inspire and help children reach their true potential and help them realize the importance of respecting themselves and others."

Sounds good, right?

Well, it actually was! These two men, Victore Pacini and Bill Buczinsky did such a great job showing the kids about Respect, Responsibility, Honesty, Compassion, and Fairness. They kept their (and mine) attention throughout the hour long performance by involving the children and audience in songs, dancing, poetry, magic, and wordplay. It actually was really great!

I am all about having children respect themselves and others from a young age. Bullying is such a problem in our schools that I feel that respect needs to be taught early and shown in the actions of those teaching. Which in turn means, not just showing respect for others, but respect for yourself. Children hear us when we say "I am fat/ugly/dumb/etc". They will in turn one day feel that way about themselves if we don't teach them, and ourselves, to love who they are, no matter what.

 For readers with children, they are out future. How we treat them and what we teach them will carry into the way our world will be lived when we are long gone.

I purchased their CD's and they are fun for the kids to listen to. Albeit they are not the types of songs I particularly listen to, the lyrics and messages do get into my head. And that can't be all that bad :).

Here are a few things that are keeping me interested:

• Can't get enough of this song, no matter how many times I listen to it
• I am coupon crazy! This is a great website to print them at home.
• I plan on doing some painting and I got some inspiration from a fellow dreadster

Go for a bike ride

Make homemade ice cream or visit an ice cream parlor

Bake a double batch of cookies and deliver one to another family

Have a picnic

Hike or climb trees

Make popcorn or maybe even caramel corn

Blow bubbles

Plan a scavenger hunt for outside.

Plan a scavenger hunt for in the house using every letter of the alphabet.

Draw a map of your block or of your town

Make playdoh

Read a good book aloud

Look through photo albums or view family movies, or videos

Make a collage from magazine words and pictures

Draw pictures with chalk on the sidewalk

Go fishing

Plan a family game night

Work on a jigsaw puzzle

Go roller skating

Paint a picture

Have a candy treasure hunt

Make a paper airplane and fly it

Make an obstacle course in your back yard

Visit a tourist spot near your home

Make a bird feeder

Walk around your block and pick up all the litter you can find.

Go to the zoo

Go bowling

Make your own homemade pizza

Listen to your favorite music and dance around

Go without TV for a day

Make a collage using seeds, rice, cereal, old buttons and sewing scraps

Run around the house outside 3 times

Go camping–or stay home and camp out in your own dining room.

Build with LEGOS

Make puppets out of lunch bags, old socks, felt, wooden clothespins. Put on a puppet show

Have a bonfire outdoors or in your fireplace and roast hot dogs and marshmallows

Write a letter to your grandma or grandpa

Pick wild flowers or leaves and press some of them to save

Make dinner for your family

Sketch a picture of your house from the outside

Play educational computer games

Make a piece of art out of objects you have around the house

Color a picture to send to grandparents

Make a list together of all the things in your house that use electricity.

Plant something

Enjoy a shopping trip for something little, but fun---a jar of bubbles, stickers, paper dolls, a matchbox car

Play store, library, restaurant or school

Play hide-and-seek (inside or outside)

Help wash the car

Draw a family tree on paper and complete it as a family. Add old photographs if available

Go jogging or take a walk together

Give each person a large piece of paper and take turns tracing the outlines of their bodies on it.

Color in the outlines to look like you or use sidewalk chalk

Go to the library

Gather a variety of leaves

Fly a kite

Make a snack

Water the yard, houseplants or flowers

Play with sand toys and trucks in a sandbox

Play a card game

Go to a ball game or play one---football, kickball, softball, baseball, basketball, soccer

Finger paint with chocolate pudding

Make a milkshake or a smoothie

Take a trip to an amusement park, a museum or a planetarium

Clean out your closet.

Make a yummy salad and eat it

Build a fort

String beads to make a necklace

Write and illustrate a short story

I tried to make them appropriate for the season because as I mentioned before, we do live in the Midwest and no one wants to go to the beach when it is 20 below! When the seasons change I will add/remove more activities.